Begging for the presence to understand, listen to
This dream condensed into a ten minute version
Of the technicolor extravaganza I hurried back to
After visiting the bathroom, like some kind of
Commercial break where the suspended action
Resumed without pause, no missing plot, the sense
Confused by people playing roles that did not
Suit them in my real awake life where still you do
Not hear me, this story created in thoughts playing
Out in the head that lies every night looking for
Peace on the pillow marsh mellowed in a cushion
Of safety as the mind conjures a dangerous truth
Category Archives: Fear
Anxious in the Knowing
Speed, danger, roughhousing
Wrist, thumb, leg, foot, shoulder
The injury of the month club
Stair running, bed jumping
Skiing, zip-lining down across
Hills, tumbling through woods
Never ending careening
Hopping on wheels, by foot,
Flipping, skidding, jolting
For them thrills, excitement
Fears addressed, strength built
Sleep comes soundly, long, deep
Me pleading safety’s sake
Uphill downhill traversing
A path born of great resistance
Life held securely, safe, warm
Forty cushioned weeks, mine
Now each day a toss of dice
Find the balance, the acceptance
With them to be for them until
Time’s breath lashes frolic to stillness
After the Dream
Drunk with it
This feeling
irreplaceable
Then after
Hung over
Dazed, awake weary
What happened
We did what
Well, it’s over now
Memories
Not enough
To make the night real
Beware The Ides of March
Babe was a guy who owned a big tavern against a giant rock bluff in a town across the river from us
Dad took me there a few times, going over the bridge, sunshine becoming a foreign intruder when we opened the door to leave
My dad worked on the side bar-tending for Babe, that extra money probably a necessity for his family of seven with one on the way
Being only 4, I didn’t understand why this grown man was called Babe,
and I asked this man behind the big oval bar
He always gave me a kiddie cocktail, which sounded like kitty to me and I didn’t understand that either, he chuckled as I
Enjoyed the deliciousness of that red with the cherries and the orange slice on the teeny tiny colored sword that balanced across the top
On my tenth birthday my mom was still in the hospital with something they were calling high blood pressure
My dad took me to a supper club, just the two of us on a school night, and Babe was there
He joked around with my dad and laughed that my favorite meal was a bacon and American cheese melted on toast
Babe always seemed to be laughing, and as he left he said to my dad, “Beware the Ides of March with that one huh, Buck?”
I never seemed to get Babe’s jokes, so Dad explained that some guy named Caesar’s murder was predicted to happen on March 15th
Ides means middle, Dad said, and so some fortune teller told Caesar to beware the Ides of March
The fortune teller was right, and Caesar’s good friend Brutus helped to kill Caesar on March 15th
Babe was just being funny dad said, no one was going to kill me. Babe just likes to joke around
Being with dad, his only daughter, out where people always put a smile on their faces when they talked to him, was special
My Dad taking me to a restaurant all by myself on my birthday with my five brothers eating who knows what, at home, and Babe joking around
One of the best moments ever!
Even though I didn’t understand much of the joking, everyone was laughing, and it was my birthday
And I wasn’t so scared then that my mom didn’t get to come home for my birthday; like she promised
I Had a Bad Dream
What is a dream anyway?
A tale, a wish, a fear
Thoughts to fall asleep with
Something to wake up from
Conscious hopes carried
Into a supposed safe slumber
Our own cinematic scenes of
Scary, exciting, foreboding
Dreams becoming nightmares
Fleeing a wakeful unknown
Until sliding to a precipice’s edge
Some familiar cliff, alone
Over and over, the sharp echoes
Warning, granite’s dangerous contour
Nudging from fitful slumber to an
Open-eyed sweating confusion
Fearful stillness, blanketed
In darkness, only a fluorescent
Green glow signaling the safety
Of the soon to be dawn, details
Fading thankfully with the day
Breakfast with Buse 