For Jerseygal
Garbled words spoken, throat catching
On misspoken promises, the cracks
Splitting depths of belief into memory’s keep
Valued treasure well hidden in a soul
Awaiting discovery under starfish, the corral
Fragile in its protection withstanding
A stranger’s words of unkindness
Exhausted by an onslaught, the unknown
Sources which cannot be quieted as
Wave after wave their chorus plays
In a mind untrained to appreciate its own
Solo, whispering a prayer to the sea
Enter boldly the big room
Round tables of eight
One, just a single, no group
Nonchalantly searching
For a spot to discretely
Unnoticeably slide
Into a chair that appears
Unsaved by someone’s
Colleague, maybe their
Friend, who is running
Late and there will be
No hand that flattens
Onto the seat of this
Uncomfortable chair
While the voice indicates
This is taken, eye
Contact avoided by
Me, but she will mean
business and will pierce
My sideways gaze in
Protection of the spot
She has reserved for
Someone whose eyes
She knows by heart
Heart, a tambourine shaking
Stomach clenching on bile,
Cacophony building
Electrically charged
Invisibility
Floating just above skin
Hands fistulas of dread
Tremulous waiting with this
Purposeless parade of
Subliminally sent
Messages hastening
To mindless receivers
Consideration pinched
Awareness simply lost
My weakness is your pleasure
It is easier to hear No
Than nothing at all
An answer into which
Teeth can sink down
Clenching tight in
Extended duration
Held safely in place
So as not to do
Long term damage
Until disappointment
Can be chewed
Savagely into
Tiny enough bits
That can be
Swallowed gone
Until forgotten
That unpalatable
Response is placed
Where it belongs
And flushed away
But not knowing
Wondering until
Silent rejection
Now assumed
Becomes this
Lonely black hole of
Empty space
Without justification
A nothing to
Contemplate with
No beginning
And no end
Nothing to glance at
After ridding yourself
You can turn
And simply
Walk away
Drunk with it
This feeling
irreplaceable
Then after
Hung over
Dazed, awake weary
What happened
We did what
Well, it’s over now
Memories
Not enough
To make the night real
Breakfast with Buse 