Category Archives: motherhood

Essay in Regard for the Other Mothers in My Life

Funny thing about mothers is they come in all manner of unlikely forms.
We like to think of the woman who gave birth to us, but for some,
there was a woman with many thoughtful reasons for parting with a baby in a selfless effort to provide a home with another woman who becomes the real mother, feeding, caring for needs, wants, supporting the details of normal living that go unnoticed until today where maybe in a sentimental Hallmark card or a child’s Mother’s Day art effort, there is a listing of the reasons and the tasks fulfilled that we appreciate in our mothers; that all of us forget to acknowledge every other day.
The descriptions of how she makes the best cookies, she holds my hair when I am sick in the middle of the night, she always hugs me when I’m sad, and the coupons for one free hug, one free empty the dishwasher, and one free take out the recycling; cards beginning in duty, filled with affection, consistent in their ending of “I love you!”

I have a mother, she loves me, she cared for me, she is quietly supportive and I love her and know she did the best she could. Like we, all of us mothers try to do.
Some days we perform and fulfill all the duties, tasks, and affections better than other days;
always we try
Today, I am thinking of so many other people that gently but strongly remind me that we all have many mothers passing in and out of our days.

The sister-n-law that believes in you when no one else does and nudges
more from you when humiliated and scared, you just want to give up, clicking the thumbs up “like” when no one else does, saving us from the loneliness of feeling a failure. Jane, never plain, always notices, always sees potential, visibly and invisibly supporting so many of us, every day.

The boss, the Conservative, the guy’s guy, who might be mistaken for not caring, he always says you can do it, always reminds you not to be too hard on yourself, he understands, and never makes you feel badly for losing your cool and crying in utter frustration. John, simply good at seeing the good in other people who may not deserve his kindness.

The cousin, teaching other people’s children for over 25 years, the wonderful woman who not having physically given birth to a baby,
dotes, cares, loves, remembers, worries when she had problems of her own. Vicki, responding to an email and always saying yes.
Always interested, laughing and lovely in thought and action.

The friend you haven’t seen in years, the genuinely good mother you commiserated with when your sons were toddlers and you often felt trapped in the muck and mundane, the sleepless everyday routines, tantrums, and joys of motherhood. Marie, sincere, hugging you at
Wal-Mart reminding in stories of similarities you aren’t the only one.

The colleague and friend who always makes you laugh, tries to give you
another perspective, so you don’t feel badly when your work is rejected. Giver of ideas and possibilities, the holder of hope who keeps trying and only asks that you do the same. Gary, saying you will be wonderful on the days you feel completely mediocre, and want to crawl in a hole.

The childhood friend you have known for as long as you’ve known yourself, whose texts and calls brighten ever day. The one person you can call and will listen through the tears, loving you in your rightness and wrongness, the happy voice on every message. “Hey Booze, It’s Nance!” Always there in the darkest of days to say it will get better.

The husband, who wants what is best for you, and always keeps trying when he may not want to try that day, whose own father wasn’t an example of love in his approach. This man who doesn’t complain about work, who volunteers for everything. Terry, often unappreciated by the sons he does so much for, and a wife who should give him more credit.

There are so many examples of mothers in our lives. So many people
we won’t give a card to today, or take to breakfast, brunch or dinner.
This annual day when we remember and regard with such clarity
The goodness and altruism in motherhood, can also be a day
when we appreciate the love and support from the people who,
never our real mothers,
nourish us, care for us, and support us like a mother does.
I am grateful for the love and support of all my unlikely sometimes mothers.
I love you all even if not named this time.
And I ask everyone who may read this, “Who are yours?”

Donuts

Powdered sugar, cinnamon, and iced
Filled, sprinkled, all dunked with delight
Tired of cereal, eggs, toast and oatmeal
On Saturday morning it’s the standard appeal
Let’s get donuts, oh please, pretty please

Eaten when young and savoring each bite
The old knowing well the result of this vice
But lips to your hips, matters not at this age
Enjoyment in the now is sometimes okay
Let’s get donuts, oh please, pretty please

The power of choice all in my hands
Say yes and provide this simplest of joys
The agony of defeat if they hear, not today
Let’s get donuts, oh pretty please, Please
No regrets for this time when I give them their way

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The Kids Couldn’t Find Me While Playing Hide n Seek

Able yet unwillingly to
Disincline my reclining
From this unceremonious
Choice to do nothing but
Be no one to anyone
Unrealized enjoyment of a
Sluggish unslovenly spot
Hurriedly, smartly falling
This cushioned holding cell
Irresponsible partners
No parole for this criminal
Whose only conviction being
Tired is as tired does
Until they finally find me

Magic

My cousin, 7, said the Easter bunny was a hoax
What is a hoax I wondered, a giant rabbit maybe

The boy behind me in the 2nd grade passed a note
It read, Only babies believe in Santa Claus, do you?

My brother, 11, said the tooth fairy didn’t lose her way
She may come tonight, he scoffed, but she isn’t real

Each time these truths were forced upon my ears
I grew up and was uncomfortable in my little girl heart

That little girl’s heart didn’t disappear for good, it lay
In wait to give what it could in the way of magic

Tucking secret presents under a tree, hiding candy filled
baskets, stealthily placing quarters under sleeping heads

Even if sometimes the magic isn’t what was expected
Maybe wasn’t quite the first choice, or even the second

Sometimes what isn’t real, those fairy dust creations
Make the uglier truths just a bit easier to bare, for both

If you tell me they are hoaxes, unreal, and only for babies
I will understand with my big girl brain that knows the truth

But my heart, beating as an aunt, and now as a mom
Will say those who don’t believe, don’t ever truly receive

The Joy Changes

My sweet coworker
Visiting my desk, relief
From task filled thoughts
Joy apparent in the familiar
Circular caress of comfort
As she shares her delight
In what she cannot fully
Appreciate nor comprehend; yet
Memory providing in
Easy recollection, my own
Nine month sabbaticals
From loneliness
Joy, ceaseless wonder
Perfected companionship
Reveling each change
Every miraculous movement
Then a familiar interruption
My youngest, calling from home
His frustration evident, crying
His schoolwork is so hard
I will be home in an hour
We will figure it out together
His angry indictment
You always have to work late
He hangs up first and I hold
The receiver silently, hesitating
In momentary consideration
Suddenly, instinctively
My coat and gloves on
Leaving an every day list
Without all expectations
Crossed off in evidence
Of unseen accomplishment
Arriving home in time for
His singing like Pavarotti
To a steamed up mirror